I recently shared my thoughts on overwhelm as a major reason of people quitting and going backwards. And today I have another related concept that I wanted to share.
Backstory:
Me and my wife, Fayth, are booked to head to Patagonia later this year for our 10th anniversary.
I’ve backpacked extensively throughout South and Central America in my solo days.
I went down there without a word of Spanish in my vocabulary. Big mistake. I said never again.
Not only did it create incredible challenges that could have been avoided with a basic grasp of the language. I also realized that I missed out on a lot of “could have been” experiences that would have made the whole eight months a richer experience.
Things like the old man with his chickens on his lap on the bus beside me with a big smile on his face leaning over and trying to ask me questions.
I could only get as far as where I was from and my name.
There were many “could have been” memorable moments like this scattered throughout the trip that couldn’t go anywhere due to my lack of ability to communicate.
I took some lessons and tried to improve but I had never attempted to learn a second language before.
I struggled and ultimately gave up.
Since then it’s been a life long goal of mine to learn Spanish and speak it semi-fluently.
Our Patagonia trip has now given me the deadline and push I’ve needed to apply myself again.
Since November I’ve been studying every morning for minimum 15 minutes.
Comprehension feels slow. It’s a struggle. A challenge. It doesn’t come easy to me at all.
Now getting to my point.
I recently finished a thick Spanish workbook that was lended to me from a friend.
I should have celebrated the accomplishment and testament to my consistency and efforts. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead I finished the book discouraged.
Here’s why:
To start the last chapter there was no longer any English translations beside the Spanish. The book then stated that the English translations should no longer be necessary as I should have a good enough hold on the language to be able to understand all the Spanish without any help.
This was not the case.
There was still so much I didn’t understand.
This led to the second great discourager that causes many people to quit on their goals. It’s wrapped up in the statement that basically says:
“I’m not as far along as I should be.”
The person saying this is now discouraged and therefore often quits, goes backwards, and ends up further from their stated goals than ever.
Then on to jumping on and off the bandwagon. The yo-yo in action. Being half in, half out. Uncommitted.
This happens in fitness all the time.
So what’s the answer?
In short, it’s three things:
Be patient. Don’t compare. Don’t quit.
1) Be patient
Have a long term outlook. I’m talking like a lifetime.
Stop trying to jam all your results into six weeks so you can then “ease off” and drift back to where you were.
It’s not rocket science that to keep the results we’ve gotten (and continue progressing) we have to keep doing the things that got us there.
You have to become a different person. You have to think differently. Change deeply embedded beliefs. You have to create new positive habits in place of your current negative ones. You may have to change your environment – things like who you spend your time with and what you fill your mind with.
This process takes years, not weeks.
2) Don’t compare
This is the killer.
“So and so has only been strength training for six months and they are already looking jacked out of their mind and doing chin ups! I can’t do that and I’ve been training for two years!”
Boo-hoo. Poor me. Blah. Blah. Blah.
Then on to a non-stop ice cream binge to go along with a Netflix marathon while skipping the gym for the next two weeks as a way to deal with their sorrows.
On paper we can see that this strategy makes absolutely no sense…but people do it to themselves all the time.
It all stems from comparison.
Comparison makes people quit.
Comparison often makes people feel that they are not as far along as they should be.
Comparison makes people feel like they are not enough.
Instead of being happy for the person who is looking jacked due to their efforts it leads to jealousy. Envy. Then usually on to self-sabotage from there.
This is the path to misery.
Focus on your own journey.
Compare who you are now to who you were three months ago.
How have you improved or grown?
3) Don’t quit
“It’s a slow process but quitting won’t speed it up.”
You may have to adjust, change course, reset, learn, or level up.
It’s not just about mindlessly doing the same things that aren’t taking you anywhere.
Lots of things may need to happen.
But quitting isn’t one of them.
It was discouraging to learn that I wasn’t as far along with my understanding of Spanish as I was “supposed to be”.
Most others who invested the same amount of study time would be farther along than me.
But I’m a lot further along than I would have been without any effort at all.
And I will be a lot further along six months from now by pressing on.
To close it out…
Maybe we get to Patagonia and my attempts at Spanish with the locals are met with lots of eyebrow raising and confusion.
Maybe I embarrass myself continually and my wife ends up pleading with me to just use google translator instead.
Maybe I fail with this whole Spanish thing.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Maybe I end up successfully packing another whole language into my brain.
Maybe I end up conversing easily and freely in Spanish and having the types of experiences I wasn’t able to have on my first trip down South.
Maybe I check the box and reach the goal.
Time (and how I use it) will tell.
In the meantime, I’ve decided in advance that I’m going to be patient with myself, I’m not going to compare, and I’m not going to quit.
When you decide that, you’re already halfway there.
Vamos!
